Archives-A Piece of Paper 7/16/2007

July 16, 2007

Nine years later, I finally have it. No, I'm not talking about my degree. In 1998, my first baby died. He was stillborn when I was eight months pregnant. Today, I received his death certificate, or in my eyes, acknowledgment from the state that he existed. I don't expect y'all to understand, but it was important to me. I barely understand it myself, except that I have learned there is no right and wrong, when it comes to grief and the love of a child. It's something I fought for--I researched, I wrote letters to legislators. See, until very recently, Maryland found it unnecessary to provide ill-fated parents with a birth certificate, death certificate, or any other legal acknowledgment of their dead babies. In the eyes of most government, social, and even some regligious entities, those babies simply never existed...and that's unacceptable to me. I assure you he did exist. I held him in my arms. He was beautiful, with dark eyes and hair. He was otherwise a perfect, normal baby-just one that did not survive his mother's body. I counted his fingers and toes and compared his features to mine and my husband's, just like other parents. I was still proud of him. His birth was still an accomplishment for me, albeit a devastating one. I had prepared for him-I had clothing, a carseat and stroller and a bed, toys...I still had hopes and dreams for him, and the love and longing for him was no different than that of any other parent simply because he had died. Not to mention that I felt him within my body for how many months? I assure you he existed. So why should it be that he mattered to no one else but me? It's bad enough that organizations focus solely on diseases like SIDS, which don't get me wrong, is horrific...but it kills about 2,100 babies per year in our country. Stillbirth, on the other hand, kills 26,000. Stillbirth is almost always swept under the rug--and why should it be? All our babies matter. My baby matters. He's forever in my heart and on my mind, and I'm glad I got to have him, even for that tiny while.
"Brief is life, but love is long." --Alfred, Lord Tennyson