Wow, a Whole Year Gone?

I can't believe an entire year has gone by since I've posted. Amazing. Here we are at spring again, although you wouldn't really know it. Today, the high is only in the 50s, and it's raining.

We just had Mother's Day. Once again, in my own little family, it was nothing special. Last year was the year that it was completely ignored; and then when I bristled at being taken to Home Depot to choose my own gift (really?!), Gordon spent the rest of the day installing my pond. It would have been easier to just teach the children that it's not too much to ask to treat your mother nicely for one day out of the year. Do little things for her...offer to do the dishes, the laundry, etc. And if you're the father of those children, you could probably pitch in, too. After all, she bore them all, didn't she?

Anyway, my children paraded into my bedroom with a card and an orchid, which I have been wanting and is lovely. They climbed around in my bed for a few minutes, and filed back out of the room. Gordon then announced that he was going to play volleyball. Yep, on Mother's Day. That's his way of making sure he's still the most important: force it to be so. So, I was left to prepare the Mother's Day food, do the dishes and laundry, and wait until the baby had taken her nap. Sounds like fun, eh? Worst of all, my children are growing up believing that we don't celebrate one another. Hopefully, HOPEFULLY, they take more notice at how I celebrated my own mother.

It was a bit of work, but I made kabobs for everyone, plus basil & mozzarella tomatoes. Angie and I had made an edible arrangement for my mom-it turned out pretty well, even though it was our first attempt. We had fun doing it, although at first, we were sort of at a loss of where to begin. We did have a great day at my mom's which made up for the morning (even though Gordon did spend that entire time on the couch, as well). I was determined not to have a completely crappy day. We had great food, good wine, and good conversation. It's always great to hang out with my mom and my sister.

Today is yet another year since my baby Jacob died. Cannot believe it has been twelve years. I went to the cemetery today...some babies had just been buried. I wish I could have his body exhumed and moved to a different location-someplace meaningful to me. I know that's silly and futile. Nothing will change. Even still, I've spent the better part of today thinking and remembering, allowing long repressed notions to surface. Nothing will change, and the pain never goes away...but each day, I learn how to live around it a little better...learn to be a little more grateful for my children who have not grown wings.

Work

It's kinda hard to feel sorry for myself with so much promise exploding outside-buds, bees, birds, flowers...pretty hard to keep me down today. And 75 degrees? Perfect.

But, we've been through a lot this week. When the kids are older, maybe even when they have kids of their own, I think we'll look back on this and say, man, remember when Collin was in kindergarten and everyone got Rotavirus? That was terrible. As in, it doesn't ever have to happen again. Ever.

Truth be told, only half of us have had it. That's the scary part. Poor Collin has already lost 10% of his body weight, and refuses to eat and drink much of anything. He does take comfort in white milk, something he has long abhorred. That's odd. But, whatever will stay down and isn't complained about is okay with me at this point. It's been very trying, and HE'S been very trying. He's a terrible sick kid. I remember as an older baby, he had a stomach flu, and completely slept through the throwing up part. Of course, the diarrhea lasted for days, as it is now, but there's not much to be done about that. My mom tells me I always got it badly, too. Yay, genetics. Anyway, Gordon and I each briefly escaped, and later we agreed that it was such a nice break. I'm certain he was happy as a clam to go to work.

The tv's been on every waking moment. That, of course, has resulted in Collin wanting every toy that is currently offered. There is also a constant stream of "Mama! Get Splenda! It's sweet, but not sugar...you won't get fat!" and "Mama! Why don't you ever listen to the tv? Just press OnDemand, so you don't have to go to the movie store or wait for the mail!" So, yeah, Collin must be a little better.

Now, it's Monday morning, and Cameron is "sick", too. At 8am, she looked perfectly fine, but claimed her belly didn't feel right. Gordon wondered if we should let her stay home. I shrugged and went back to bed. Now, she looks like she might not feel great, but admitted that most of the problem is the fear of throwing up in school. I can't say that I blame her. Her teacher is the man who, when a kid asks to go to the nurse for nausea, tells them to get the garbage can and sit back down. Which reminds me that I was supposed to have a meeting about him with the principal today. Which reminds me that while I feel like I really need a vacation from this whole mothering thing, there is much more work to be done this week.

Sights & Sounds

My husband is a deaf bastard. That, and he listens psychologically. By that, I mean, if he' hopes it's interesting, he turns it up. If he wants me to be interested, he turns it up. If it's funny, he turns it up. This somehow increases the humor. Likewise, volume increases a song's quality. You get the picture...and I get a headache. I think many men carry the same gene.

My middle son, Collin, has been going through some stuff lately. He hasn't been sleeping as well...meaning, he gets out of bed several times each night, or alternatively, plays in his room by 4watt nightlight. You may already know that he's been drawing on doors and ceilings and Lord knows what else. He has also been lying ALL THE TIME. In fact, he lied about having written on the ceiling. He is blaming everything on his brother. I know it's just a stage in his "development" (why do they have to develop into lying, cheating mini-men?), but it's old already. I wish I knew the cause of it all. Is he bored? I can certainly empathize with understimulation. Is he nervous about something? Unsure of his place in the home? I don't know. And my daughter...every time she gets punished, she freaks out. She rants, screams, blames everyone else, acts like an idiot. The baby has also been ranting, as well as pinching, biting, hitting, yelling, etc. What am I doing wrong, lately?! I feel like a terrible mother. I used to have much more of a handle on my children, it seems.

Ah, but spring is among us! It's been warmer during the day, here on the east coast, which means I have not been home. Today was particularly gorgeous, and a spent a portion of it on Black Hole Creek, at my friend's house. You can't ask for much better scenery than that. Perhaps everyone's moods will improve once they've run off the winter blues outside?

Archives-Finally! 3/13/2007

March 13, 2007

On Valentine's Day, G and I went to dinner. Because of the snow storm, couples stayed home, but we fared well in the Jeep. So well, in fact, that we were done in record time. That's pretty unheard of at Seaside, the 'Burn's premier seafood restaurant. Anyway, we proceeded to Target, bought a travel Scrabble, and headed for Starbucks for some adult game time. We have been playing frequently ever since. And he's been beating me...ever since. He's had a few stunners, but I'm generally better at the words, hands down. However, strategically, he's much better. He will play a word for location every time...and he stalks the Triple Word Scores like nobody's business. Tonight, his luck has changed. I won, finally, I won! Since I was keeping score, and who knows when it will happen again, I have to let you know that it was 252 (a lucky number for me already) to 224. I'm sighing contentedly.The kiddies went from bad to worse, and $100 or so and an evening at Nighttime Pediatrics later, they're officially on the mend. I think. I asked for a gallon of "the pink stuff", and they thought I was kidding. They all three had strep. G even had an ear infection. Somehow (knock on wood), I was fine. I am fine. And it had better stay that way.I think we've finally narrowed it down-I think us girls are going to go to the Mayan Riviera. It's kind of a longer trip than we wanted-the flight is slightly longer, and the trip from the airport is kinda long, but it seems like a great deal. The price is pretty reasonable. I read every single review that Trip Advisor had to offer, and the resort is highly complemented and gorgeous. The area is full of cultural and scenic things to see and do, and I just might get to practice my [very] rusty Spanish. The only derogatory reviews were that the beds are firm (but I hear you can beg the front desk for a foam topper), and there is no drink service on the beach. I guess that's okay, because I can work off my pina coladas and margaritas by walking to get more. And I'll be sure to take a large, insulated cup so as not to have to use the resort's little four-ounce cups.We're also going to FL next month...and staying with the inlaws. That should be interesting, but I'm excited, none the less. My MIL very generously offered to pay for our flights, if we would pay for the rental car. Obviously, we did not refuse. G is convinced that once we rent the minivan, I will want to trade in my Tahoe. There is no chance, but I guess it would be nice to have seating for more than five. I can't wait to take boat rides on the Gulf and even take the kiddies to the biggest money pit on the planet (Disney World).I wore a t-shirt today, and my jonquils are blooming. There is light at the end of this tunnel called winter. All seems right in the world