So Much

I haven't written anything in quite a while. That would be because I've been pretty darn busy. Not as busy as Kim (I don't know how she stays afloat), but pretty busy none the less.

My two older children are in school now. The daughter's having a hard time adjusting to the rigors of fourth grade (and not being on a summer schedule again). She's also just plain having a hard time. I'm certain she has ADD. Therefore, I've been having a hard time with her. Most of the time, I could choke her. She's completely defiant, and forgets E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Even those people in whose eyes she's always been perfect are now singing a different tune. I feel sorry for her, but she's maddening. She's extremely difficult to live with, and frankly, extremely difficult to love right now. Which makes me sad and depressed. I quite honestly feel like the daughter I used to know has died.

The middle boy is doing well in kindergarten, but it occurs to me that he needs a LOT of help in the handwriting department. Must be a boy thing. He also did something that surprised me today-he switched to his left hand. He hasn't done that since he was about two. I hope he's not a lefty in hiding.

My little boy is still the affectionate, lovable bully. He's even started pooping on the potty once in a while. Usually, that's followed by a poop in his pants, but hey...it's progress.

And, why does everything in the house have to break at once?

The A/C died some days ago. Thank God, we have some window units which are carrying us through the end of summer. Today we have the windows open, of course, which is also fine. For some time now, the toilets have been clogging, off and on. That's problematic, when you have five people who need to use the bathroom, and one who goes about every nine minutes (that would be my pregnant self). It's especially problematic when four are trying to get ready in one bathroom. At any rate, I've plunged, dumped hot water, tried Dawn, cussed, prayed...you name it. My dear husband has plunged. He also ruined the bowl of our new toilet with a crappy, worthless snake. He flooded the basement when he tried to flush the air vents. Then, on Sunday, neither toilet would work. I had had it, and I decided it was time to call the plumber. We know a plumber, and while it might not be cheap, we know he won't screw us. Well, G refused. He insisted he could fix the problem. Yes, dear, but when?! Needless to say, Monday, I went to stay with G's grandmother. Me, and all three kids. G was surprised, but I'm not exactly sure what he thought I would do if I stayed home...camp out at McDonald's most of the day? Dig a hole in the back yard? Honestly, I really wonder what he thought I would do. He did not seem to see the urgency in the matter, and didn't seem to be in any hurry to fix it. That's fine-I wouldn't be in a hurry to mess with shit, either. Which is why I would CALL THE PLUMBER. Expensive, yes. Maybe needs to go on a credit card-ouch, perhaps. But NECESSARY. TODAY. He couldn't understand why I was short with him. Eventually, I guess he wanted me to be nicer, or he wanted his family to come home, or something. Eventually, he began working on the problem. Really working. He removed the downstairs toilet, and there lay a bath toy, all covered in poo. SIGH. Love that little boy. You know that commercial where the man flushes all manner of things, trying to summon the hot plumber lady he saw next door? Yeah, that is my son, I guess. Rest assured, the toilet will flush. But the object might not ever enter the pipe. It WILL cause a problem, eventually. G has already deduced that the same problem exists upstairs. He rented a professional snake, but has already taken it back, because he's sure it's another toy. You can imagine that I'm not too pleased about that, either. One working toilet is good. One broken toilet is bad. But hey, I'm back home.

Staying with G's grandmother wasn't so bad. I only had to clean up after the kids, and I actually had help without asking once in a while. On the other hand, when I came back to my house, disaster awaited. A man, alone in the house for three days, is not a good thing.

So, anyway, since we're talking about spending money, we're talking about REALLY spending. Maybe 50% of our windows work (meaning, the others are painted shut, just plain don't open, or just plain won't stay open). You can imagine the loss of heat and cool they account for. The siding is ugly-it either needs to be painted (not my preference) or replaced. At least one portion of our roof needs to be replaced-might as well do it all. Our concrete looks terrible. And, we have a tree in the back yard that's going to cost a few thousand to have removed. It's pretty dead now, so it's time...before it falls on the house itself. It looks like we're going to suck it up and refinance. It makes me nervous, and I hate the thought of all that needs to be done. I don't even know if we can afford to do it all. But man, it will be so nice not to worry for a while when it's done. And it will be nice to enjoy our home, rather than want to stay away from it. Ah, if only the same would apply to the INside! Does refinancing come with a maid???

It's A...

So, in case you don't get my baby site updates and you're interested:

I'm just back from my "big" ultrasound. All the parts are present and appear to be just fine, so that's good. Gordon was suprirsed and disappointed to find that it's a GIRL! For some reason, he really had it in his head that he wanted another boy, and that's what she was going to be. He kept complaining to the ultrasound tech and to me, but we reminded him that it's no one's fault but his own. His "boy" boys just didn't swim that well on that particular day, I guess.

I guess that's why we gave away a ton of our baby boy stuff a month before we got pregnant. I have to figure out what I have left and what I need. I'm happy to know what she is...I've been waiting not-so-patiently! Most of all, I'm glad there are no anomalies.

Hope you are all well!

Priceless

Coldplay tickets....$178.50

Better Coldplay tickets....$230.00

Asking friends who already have four kids to watch your three kids last minute....potentially very costly

Parking at the Verizon Center....$20.00

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Middle son gets the stomach flu and needs to be picked up mid-show....PRICELESS.



Sigh.



I'm sad. Very sad, on many levels.

Benefits of Staying Married

Saturday was fun. I worked all day, and then came home to a mess, again. See, despite promises to the contrary, G still wants to pretend that he's single and has nothing else better to do. Sometimes he doesn't want to have kids, doesn't want to have responsibilities, and sure doesn't want to be married to me. I get that. It's leftover quarter life crisis, I guess. But you know what? You still need to clean up your dishes. Eventually, he did, but a fight ensued, as usual.

Sunday, we went to church (guess we both really needed it, at that point). Then we went to the O's game. G had five tickets in the box. Meaning, the box of his place of employment. That equals air conditioning, food, and just a more pleasant time than upper reserve seats. The kids didn't pay much attention to the game, but they seemed to enjoy themselves. They each got their My First O's Game certificates, although it wasn't necessarily their first. I remember one first with Cameron, when she was still in the infant carrier seat. We were sitting in the lower seats, so still a good spot. Someone in front of me ordered peanuts from one of the vendors. In the spirit of stadium life, the vendor threw them to the man...only my head got in the way. Being whacked, unsuspectingly, in the back of the head with a stadium sized bag of peanuts was not so pleasant. Needless to say, I had a headache for the rest of the afternoon, and seriously considered complaining to Fan Assistance. If you're not that good a shot, maybe you should just pass the peanuts, know what I mean?? Anyway, the game was mostly fun. I knew a couple of G's coworkers who were there, and we chatted. I tried to talk to G a couple of times, but he kept blowing me off, or talking right over top of me. Maybe he was so starved for non-Amy conversation that he just couldn't help it. He recently revealed (not that I didn't suspect) that I really get on his nerves. Maybe it's similar to me talking to small people all day long...and by the end of the day, I REALLY want to talk to some adults. Even the clerk at the grocery store-anyone. At one point, I squished up next to him on the small couch, so as to make room for another couple, should they want to sit down. "Get off me! Go sit on Kevin's lap!" was what he told me.

Needless to say, I went out onto the balcony with my kids, and Pink Shirt Man for the rest of the game. Pink Shirt Man was another employee of G's company, who lives in Michigan. He had come down from Grand Rapids with his three daughters to watch the Orioles get whooped by his beloved Detroit Tigers. I talked more with Pink Shirt Man in five minutes than I did with G all day. And then, of course, G wondered what was wrong with me. I always think that's absolutely astounding! How can you be surprised at someone's reaction, after you treat them like shit?

After the game, we went to G Sr's house for dinner. That went pretty well. I got to have conversation with my MIL (ok, not really my MIL, but they're common-law-married by now). I was happy that I didn't have to cook all day. I was also happy that G Jr changed Noah's nasty pull-up. Nasty, as in, pull-up was thrown away, and shorts were put into a grocery bag. Pregnant bellies and noses don't do so well with such pull-ups. See, my son refuses to poo on the potty, still. He either goes in his sleep, because he can't hold it anymore, or he sneaks off and poops in the pull-up. I can't wait till he's out of this stage.

So, today I was reading about the benefits of staying married. Sometimes I truly wonder. Mostly, I wonder why I want to stay married to someone who, at times, so obviously doesn't want to be married to me. I know that sometimes he does. Lately, it just seems like more of three years ago--he just wants to do his thing. Don't we all.

God Help Me

G announced on his way out the door to volleyball that he would be calling his mother, so to expect a call afterward.  Fabulous.  Can I really say I was asleep at 9:30pm??? 

He's finally going to tell her that I'm pregnant.  Again.  I feel like I'm in high school and we've gotten into trouble or something.  I can't even imagine what she'll say.  Well, yes, I can...I just don't want to.

My kids have been driving me absolutely crazy this week.  They've been disobedient little hellions.  I don't know what their problem is...maybe we're all just tired of eachother.  My anxiety is back, which doesn't help the situation at all.  Instead of being tolerant and creative, I'm short and I yell a lot.  I hate it.  Something has to give.

I have been feeling really crappy this week, too.  I'm not really feeling nauseous anymore, thank God, but my heart is working harder, so the more forceful, sometimes much faster beating makes me worried...which probably makes it work even harder...it's a vicious cycle.  Add shortness of breath and lightheadedness, and I'm really miserable.  I just don't know if it's "normal" or just a side effect of anxiety, or what. 

On a very happy note, my dear mother helped my pigpen son clean his room today.  I'm quite sure she did most/all of the work, but man!  What a relief and a joy for me!  My daughter even cleaned her room all by herself (with initial prodding from me, of course).  She actually did a really good job.  The House Fairy will probably pay our house a visit tonight.  Good thing she recently replenished the surprise supply.

I hope everyone has a good weekend!

Six Flags...sigh

Yesterday, we went to Six Flags America for my company's Family Fun Day. First of all, I thought it was crappy of them to schedule such an event on a day when some of us would be working, rather than on a Sunday, when we all would not. So, instead of going to the park when it opened at 10am, I got to go around 4pm, after I got off work, changed, and collected my kids. G and Cam went ahead of us. The good part was that those of us who would be working during the day got meal vouchers, rather than the lunch buffet, which consisted of hamburgers, hot dogs, cole slaw, baked beans, drinks & dessert. My kids would not have been pleased with those selections. We ended up with Papa John's pizza, which is something they (and I) adore.

Anyway, I don't love that place. Not that I ever liked it, but last time we went, it was at least somewhat fun. And yes, we did have some fun. We had to park in Egypt. Literally, we were just about as far as one could possibly go in the parking lot. If we'd actually had to fork over the $15 parking fee (my company graciously paid for parking), I'd have been really pissed. We saw a couple of trams, but it was just as well to walk into the park. My mom, the two little boys, and I all hung out in the kiddie pool area until about 7:00pm, when we finally caught up with G and Cam. Then G took Collin to ride some water slides, and Mom, Noah, and I went to eat.

What I hate about Six Flags is the clientele. Let me step lightly, here...it's a whole different culture which I cannot stand and I don't understand. I don't understand why one would make him/herself appear unintelligent. I don't get the aggression, the lack of concern for others and surroundings, and the general disregard of that culture. Appearance and demand for respect for self dominate everything. The place is dirty, the people are rude, and it's just generally unpleasant. The last time we went, it was simply annoying. This time, I couldn't wait to leave. And I mean, by dinner time, I was ready to leave.

Hershey Park is so much nicer. The park is clean. There are security people, there are managers. The clientele is different. It is a family atmosphere, and there is respect for others-not just self. Sure, there will be rude people anywhere, but it shouldn't be 98% of the people!

Anyway, if they send out an employee survey about the Family Fun Day, I will be more than pleased to respond. Even if they don't, I'm likely to voice my opinion. And, even if the tickets are free, I won't be returning to Six Flags. There are so many places I'd rather be.

No Thanks, I'll Take My Own Bed

So, G had a good idea the other day. He heard about the great American campout, or some such thing...where families were supposed to camp out in their back yards. He's having his own version, a little after the fact. For the past couple of years, camping has left a bitter taste in my mouth (some of you know why). It was something I once enjoyed, and absolutely loved as a child. Ok, so I've never liked being dirty, and I never liked using a latrine instead of a bathroom...and I'm sure not dropping my drawers to pee behind a tree. And I really, really love my own bed. And air conditioning. And my ceiling fan. And my television, which often lulls me to sleep. And no bugs.

I could go on, but you get the picture. There are many reasons why I really don't like camping now, but they are very different than missing my modern amenities. The biggest reason is that it's such a huge stress!

As I said, G had a great idea, but it was a very poorly planned one. In fact, the only thing he planned to do was pitch a tent or two, and build a fire. I came home late from my mom's today, after dinner time, and I suppose I had not communicated well enough with G about the children. Long story short, they never ate dinner. Until 10:30. I even went to Target after coming home, and still they went hungry. I'm sure one of them had to have mentioned it. He never asked them if they were hungry, despite our discussions about cooking out. He had no food ready for them. No breakfast for the next morning. No toothbrushes & bottles of water, no diapers and wipes, no s'mores, for God's sake. SIGH. Guess who had to do all that?

I really had no desire to stand at the grill at 10:00pm and make some dinner. Thank God there were ridiculous leftovers from Mom's party yesterday. The middle boy took a hundred years to eat his dinner, as usual. He hates cheeseburgers & hot dogs. He hates everything except PB&J and pizza. Noah ate part of his (although he had already gotten into tomorrow's cereal), and then protested the rest. There's another issue-Noah has been very sick. I didn't even want him to stay up that late, much less eat his dinner that late.

I have a feeling some children won't be sleeping. That'll be fabulous, considering they have a birthday party to attend tomorrow. Cameron will probably be mostly fine. If Collin doesn't scare himself, he might be fine, too, because he's that exhausted. I'm just willing to bet SOMEone's going to come back into this house tonight. That's another thing-I'm such a light sleeper that whether I stay in or out, either way I probably won't get much sleep. So much for having the house to myself! I can already hear the whining in the morning. I hope it doesn't rain on them, too. That's sure to cause an uproar. On the other hand, we camped with Cameron when she was maybe 1 or 2, and she slept right through a terrible storm. I thought for sure our tent would slide down the mountain on a small river of rainwater.

In another life, maybe camping was fun. Maybe when we were a young couple, and we packed all of our stuff TOGETHER (that means, I exclusively didn't pack for the entire trip), sat around a campfire until we were tired, and then retreated to our tent with no concern about how much sleep we'd get. Maybe when we could lazily cook eggs & bacon over a fire...when our backs were younger and the ground was more forgiving. For now, I think I'll just take my own bed.